Pentagon text Kurds at 2 a.m. “U up?”

WASHINGTON — The Pentagon sent the Kurds an ambiguous message at 02:14 this morning, according to a source embedded in northern Syria. The text message, “U up?” is being called by some experts, “A booty call.”

Two weeks ago the Trump administration made the decision to pull out of northern Syria and abandon the once strong relationship with the Kurdish people. Since then, both the United States and the Kurds have been shrugging off a lot of emotion and eating ice cream out of the carton.

At the bar, both parties have been telling allies they’re fine and, “It actually feels good to be single again.”

On Friday, the Kurds posted pictures with Russia. They were laughing, eating shawarma, and pushing each other on a park swing. Publicly the Pentagon said “Whatevs,” but continued to check its phone every five minutes.

Then, last night, after getting wildly hammered, the Pentagon sent the dubious text message. In the following minutes an ellipsis flashed on a screen indicating the Kurd’s were typing, but no response was ever received.

Publicly, the Pentagon is still saying that everything is going great, but there have been multiple reports of The Smiths being played loudly throughout the building.