NORFOLK, Va. — A Navy contractor was promoted from wearing a dirty t-shirt and jeans to polo and khakis, sources report.
“I’m allowed to shop at the store that sells navy blue polos, khakis, and black fleece now,” Contractor Dave Bautista said of his promotion. “I also got some gel so I can slick back my hair. However, I won’t forget where I came from. In fact, I’m going to call in a bomb threat tomorrow to get off work early.”
Over the last several days Bautista has been seen carrying a laptop around and was spotted standing with his arms crossed looking at the screen saying “Hmm.” He has asked where he could find various high ranking officers and made a reference to some work he did five years ago in Malaysia.
Several sailors mentioned Bautista’s change of status. “He’s gone from moving as slow as possible to walking through hallways without making eye contact,” Petty Officer First Class Trisha Wallace said. “He must be a former officer.”
“Good for him,” FC2 Jacob Ward said. “A step in the right direction. He still has a long way to go if he wants to be one of those jacked contractors in a button down shirt and tactical pants.”
At press time, nobody had any idea what work Bautista does.