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Leadership class changes everyone’s lives after one guy just keeps talking

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YORKTOWN, Va.— In an amazing display of brilliance, a leadership training course held at the Coast Guard Yorktown Training Base on Monday went over time when one super smart and articulate man rose his hand to explain the importance of being a brave leader in the military as everyone in the class watched in awe.

Though the training lesson was only supposed to end at 1500 EST, First Class Petty Officer Billy Carter used his supreme intellect and unique way of not rambling on and on for no reason but hear his own voice to educate the class on his knowledge of being a leader. In no way did his voice sound condescending or pompous when telling the instructor how much experience he has in delegating to his subordinates.

“I couldn’t believe my ears. He was just so regal and honorable,” said 42-year-old Senior Chief Tim Templeton, who had just written off the whole course as another check mark to advance to the next rank. “Just when I thought he was done, he did a Return of the King and just pulled out a second and third ending, making me wish it could go on forever.”

Students sat in complete awe while Carter continued to speak with such conviction and candor—for which everyone was totally on board—to not at all try to hide his own insecurity about being a lazy piece of shit with no purpose in life other than to steal air away from those within close proximity to him.

“Now I know all these things, I don’t exactly remember what I learned, but it might come back to me when the opportunity presents itself,” said instructor of the leadership course Dan McKinney, contemplating on whether or not he should just quit and let Carter teach the class. “I usually regard myself as a trained professional with years of experience but today I was promptly put in my place by this wise man from Planet Smart.”

“This class used to be about adapting to the changes within our culture and how to adapt to the incoming youth of the military,” said Chief Petty Officer Marie Ross, who felt enlightened by what transpired in the classroom. “But thanks to Carter, I finally realize that it’s not us that needs to change, it’s those damn kids and their social medias and entitled attitude! We’re the leaders! We’re the best! All Hail Billy Carter!”

PO1 Carter, who has had several alcohol incidents and sexual harassment charges against him, became King Of The Coast Guard and will forever be remembered for his cinematic speech that fateful day.

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