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Midway movie makes hating Japan cool again

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HOLLYWOOD, Calif. The numbers are in from opening weekend, and Midway has captured America’s hearts as equally as it has rekindled a history of deep-seated racism against the Japanese.

“We couldn’t be happier!” Roland Emmerich said after a screening. “We were thinking of included scenes about the internment of Japanese Americans, or even a flash-forward to the current U.S. trade dispute with Japan. But we didn’t need to!”

“Japan bad. America good. Credits!”

War movies showing the black and white nature of war have always done better than the weird grayish hue that reality offers. “Mostly because the gray makes audiences think too much,” Emmerich said. “And let’s be honest: Explosions are way cooler.”

Emmerich then leaned in to whisper, “Listen. We needed a win with the studios and our Chinese minders. That’s the truth, man. Those guys really don’t like Japan, but they have all the money these days.” A spokesman for the forthcoming TopGun: Maverick could not be reached for comment.

The government of Japan declined to comment on the film but made it clear the country still wants Emmerich to accept responsibility for 1998’s Godzilla.

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