Shop the Blackwater Friday sale for unbeatable prices on great Christmas war crimes!

KABUL – Blackwater, now known as Academi, will shock you and your and terrorists alike with their kick-in two doors, get one door kicked-in free “doorbuster deal” available now through the weekend.

The “Turkey Day Special,” has already resulted in 38 dead civilians in Istanbul and sanctions from the U.N. Security Council, but cost the U.S. government an unbelievable 70% off private security services on the best shopping day of the year!

“Wow! The Friendly Fire Sale has prices so low everything must go!” said contracting officer Navy Capt. Jim Lowenthal, rubbing his government purchase card in anticipation. “The only thing guaranteed in a complex world are these LOW LOW PRICES!”

Savvy governments from all over the world are stocking up security assistance training to put on under the Christmas tree for every struggling country that could use a token at prices even lower than their standards of conduct.

“This year’s Blackwater Friday Sale has offered the best deals since the September 2006 FINAL FALLUJAH SALE, where ‘All Civilians must go!’” added Lowenthal.

For more great deals, check out Blackwater’s Cyber Monday electronic warfare sale with deals like “SHOP TILL YOU DROP with 25% off body bags until midnight. Friends of Duffel Blog should use discount code SILENCERNIGHT at checkout for added savings.