THE PENTAGON – Acting Secretary of the Navy Thomas Modly announced today that the Navy will change its special warfare insignia, widely known as the “SEAL trident,” from an eagle holding an anchor, trident, and flintlock pistol to an eagle writing a book while taking a selfie with corpse.
“The original trident was developed back in 1970 and we figured it was time for an update,” Modly told reporters. “This new design is more in keeping with the current organizational direction and culture. Also, the president really liked the idea.”
The Navy special warfare community has experienced a series of unfortunate, but sadly unpreventable tragedies over the past decade, including a trial over alleged war crimes, the accidental strangling a Green Beret, and the movie Act of Valor. Modly and other Navy senior leaders prefer not to dwell on the past, but to embrace the qualities that truly set the SEALs apart from the rest of the special operations community.
“We’re the wildcard, you know—the Deadpool of the SOCOM community,” one SEAL told reporters. “We’re always on the line between hero and criminal, we’re quick to break the fourth wall and write a book about our exploits, and you can never really tell if our sodomy references are just jokes.”
Critics of the new concept say that celebrating the morbid act of taking a selfie with a corpse is not only a war crime, but is morally reprehensible and macabre. Others argue that such an act is not only legal, but a form of artistic expression.
“Taking a casual selfie with an enemy corpse is not necessarily a war crime,” said Marine Corps veteran and Representative Duncan Hunter. “There’s something quite beautiful, and perhaps erotic, in a photo that contrasts someone making the ‘rock on’ hand gesture and sticking out their tongue while standing over the lifeless body of a military aged male you just killed.”
“My house is decorated in tasteful images of me with enemy dead in their poetic final repose.”
While it is rumored the corpse on the new special warfare insignia will bear a striking resemblance to former Navy Secretary Richard Spencer, the former SEALs working on the design say any likeness is merely a coincidence.
Sources say the trident redesign came after an intense bidding war between veteran-owned companies searching for strategic business opportunities that support alleged and aspiring war criminals.