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Pentagon finally admits ‘God Bless the USA’ is a fucking terrible song

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WASHINGTON — The Afghanistan Papers contained many shocking revelations, but none more surprising than the behind-the-scene admission by senior Pentagon officials that Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the U.S.A.” is “fucking terrible.”

Emails between senior leaders showed the Defense chiefs have for years hated the classic patriotic country ditty as “a cacophony of ear-splitting horror.”

“Just the absolute fucking worst,” wrote Don Rumsfeld in a farewell email to his replacement.

Released in 1984, the song is a staple for military and patriotic events of all types. Service members believed for decades Greenwood’s signature song was beloved by senior leadership as nothing else could account for its ubiquitous presence at everything from change-of-command ceremonies to salute to the troops events.

The Afghanistan Papers show otherwise. Nobody in the DoD likes the horrible song. One senior leader described it as “three minutes and ten seconds of tragic auditory bulimia.”

Sources familiar with the emails say the musical trainwreck was originally used in a departure ceremony for an 82nd Airborne Division unit deploying to Operation Desert Shield in 1990. Retired Lt. Col. Jason Wagstaff was then an Infantry lieutenant assigned to the 82nd Airborne Division’s Public Affairs Office at the time and thought the song seemed like a good fit. He put it on the event’s playlist and a military tradition was born.

“I had no idea at the time what hell I was unleashing,” Wagstaff said by phone from his home in Naples, Florida. “I didn’t even know how the song went, I just thought the title worked. If only I could go back in time and fix what I did, I might not have been a terminal O-5.”

Repeated requests for comment from senior military have gone answered.

Sources report singer Lee Greenwood still rich.

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