QUANTICO, Va. — Lance Cpl. Will Smithers will be removed from the Marine Corps early following his reckless behavior while in uniform, sources report.
Smithers was driving home after a long guard shift when he spotted a vehicle on the side of the road. In those next moments, Smithers made careless decisions, forever damaging the brand of the Corps, and tarnishing what his superiors called an otherwise “okayish” career.
“He was a ‘terminal lance,’ as we like to say,” according the prosecuting JAG, Marine Corps Capt. Monty Burns. “These kids act like high school seniors, thinking they own the place. Violating every rule in the books. This one, Smithers, got out of his vehicle in a civilian environment while wearing his camouflage uniform in an “emergency” that was determined after the fact to not be bonafide.”
When asked what would define a “bonafide emergency,” Burns said that the vehicle blew up at least five minutes after Smithers had entered it to save a small child and two puppies. “Irregardless, that was easily enough time for Smithers to have changed out of his uniform,” Burns said.
To make matters worse, Smithers then traveled with the child, two puppies—as well as a bunny rabbit injured by the explosion—in the ambulance. The bunny had stopped breathing, but Smithers resuscitated it while the vehicle was moving. According to the Marine Corps, was a clear violation of him using his basic first aid training to help others.
All of Smithers’ actions were conducted without his utility cover.
Retired Commandant of the Marine Corps Gen. James Amos for some reason issued a statement to reporters, who were unaware he was even still alive.
“I couldn’t be more proud,” Amos wrote. “Thank God for Marines willing to risk life and limb to bring dirtballs like Smithers to justice. May he be made the example he deserves to be made and be promptly removed from service. ’Rah!”