Homebound colonel creates Telework Center of Excellence


FORT LIVING ROOM—The army announced it would stand up the Teleworking Center of Excellence by the end of the month, sources at Army Training and Doctrine Command (TRADOC) report.

Col. Marcus Palmer, a staff officer at TRADOC, told reporters that after four days of teleworking, he was now ready to train, assist, and advise the army writ large in the doctrinal foundations of telework excellence, which “increases telework readiness, builds digital lethality, and fosters social distancing innovation.”

“The Telework Center of Excellent focuses on the fundamentals of army leadership—drafting PowerPoint slides, reporting metrics on excel spreadsheets, turning little bubbles from red to yellow, and responding to e-mails with at least 18 people on the CC line,” Palmer says. 

“These actions, usually reserved for the comfort of garrison or field training, will need to be completed in more challenging settings, such as the kitchen table, the couch while old episodes of Seinfeld play, or tucked in the pantry with the door closed so your toddler doesn’t wake up.”

Within two days of standing, up, the Telework Center of Excellence was already late on annual training requirements, flu vaccines, and SGLI updates. A working group of additional colonels was formed to work through a deliberative process of establishing best practices to create a framework of thought for the telework task force, which is set to establish guidance and standards for teleworking soldiers by 2025.  

“This is a real highlight for the TRADOC campaign plan,” adds Palmer. “We’re digging into our weekly e-mail updates to the TRADOC commanding general.”  General Funk could not be reached for comment, but his public affairs officer indicated that he was already excellent at teleworking.

“We will be ready to conference call at the level of any peer threat, Defense Connect Online or Skype for Business at the level of any rogue state, and build a Slack channel you’ll later abandon faster than a terrorist network,” adds Palmer

The Teleworking Basic Course, Combined Distributive Work Captain’s Career Course, and Advanced Telewar Officer’s course are now listed in the Army training management system, and your unit’s training officer can register interested soldiers.  However, school slots are not meeting demand, and it can take as long as two years to complete the required telework courses needed to advance in the telework branch.


blondesoverbaghdad
BlondesOverBaghdad always lets someone else have the top block, because that's the selfless service thing to do. She'll go to Ranger School as soon as there's a 2-beer per day policy. @BlondsOvrBaghd on Twitter.
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