WASHINGTON — In an unprecedented public revelation, Deep State leaders announced plans to honor essential COVID-19 crisis actors with chemtrail flyovers throughout the month of May.
According to the message shrieked in unison from billions of bird drones across the United States earlier today, decoy military and commercial jets will begin spewing chemical and biological agents over Washington D.C.’s Comet Ping Pong pizzeria and end up overflying a false-flag suicide attack at The Blue Marble Jubilee in Grass Valley, California.
“COVID-19 is our biggest success since 9/11,” said Supreme Resistance Leader Hillary Clinton from the bowels of Comet Ping Pong, fighting tears of joy. “Due to the tireless efforts of our crisis actors, paid protesters, FEMA camp guards, and the liberal media, we are one step closer to realizing our dream of a gun-free, socialist, vaccinated, gay frog utopia.”
“Hail Soros!” she added.
While millions of Americans subliminally subjugated by 5G radiation welcome the toxic tribute, there are those that don’t believe the Deep State is capable of such a large-scale operation.
“Their flight plan to cross the United States clearly involves flying ‘The Great Circle‘ route, which — as everyone knows — is impossible because the earth is flat,” said retired lance corporal and Reiki healer Connor Boland via 8chan. “Another red herring meant to throw us off the scent of our true enemies — fluoridated water and gluten.”
Boland was asked to expand on his “gluten” theory, but was unable to be reached for further comment because he “already said too much.”
UPDATE: At press time, Boland’s lifeless body was found skinless and bloodless on the grounds of the Adamantium Skinwalker Ranch outside Fort Duchesne, UT. According to authorities no foul play is suspected at this time, but the case is on-going.
The Shammer contributed to this report.