FORT STEWART, Ga. — Since his arrival to the unit, 2nd Lt. Joseph Lynn hasn’t let a single day pass without an unsolicited announcement that his top branch assignment of choice was actually the US Army Quartermaster Corps. Soldiers have become numb to the random proclamations that Lynn continuously gives notice of.
“We almost feel bad for the guy, to be honest” said Staff Sgt. Charles Yates. “Everyone sees him reading the Ranger handbook, and he keeps asking if he can use face paint for our quarterly ruck march, but he still doesn’t know we don’t even do the ruck. We just create a fake memo for the commander to sign,” Yates said.
“All my life I wanted to serve my country as a leader of combat ready troops” said Lynn. “Regardless of what people think, branching quartermaster is quite competitive at ‘The Academy.’” Lynn said.
West Point graduates are held to a higher standard in the military, even if force branched into an undesirable military occupation specialty. “I’ve had my compass ready for weeks now to get some tough realistic training in with my troops, but my commander keeps giving me azimuths to our dining facility and saying, ‘These troops won’t feed themselves,'” said Lynn.
Lynn’s peers and subordinates appreciate his personal drive, but really wish he would stop leading off the company training meetings by saying “Ranger Up” and wearing Grunt Style t-shirts at the gym.
“I just want everyone to be as pumped up and motivated as I am to be able to provide excellent logistical support to our combat multipliers, because I chose to branch quartermaster,” said Lynn. “My goal is that all of my soldiers are highly trained combat cooks in this atmosphere of asymmetric warfare” Lynn said.
“The kid has spirit, I’ll give him that, but he’s not the only one who was force branched quartermaster,” said Capt. Jack Liggitt, Lynn’s company commander. When giving advice to all current and future cadets, Lynn said “Don’t shy away from the quartermaster corps, because you can always re-branch before captain’s career course. Unless your top choice was quartermaster, like mine obviously was.”