Military COIN experts claim they can stop protests in just 17 years
WASHINGTON — Military experts in counterinsurgency and nation-building claim they can bring nationwide protests against police brutality under control in just 17 years, sources report.
“The unrest in our country is something we can fix, no problem,” Bob Egon, CEO of the Center for Perpetual War, said today. “We have a civilian population upset at their government. They're overwhelmingly peaceful, and they have a positive view of the US Military. This is a situation we've dealt with many times before.”
“If we send in the troops now, we can have these protesters making IEDs inside a week.”
“We had some random guy in the office say we'll be greeted as liberators, so we just went with that,” Robert Hasselkopf, another CPW analyst, said. “The American protestors have nowhere near the military capabilities we do, so we'll be sure to end up in a quagmire, give up, and claim victory in 15 to 20 years.”
CPW's plan relies on three tried-and-true strategies: 1) Not enough troops; 2) Not enough equip…
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