WINTERFELL, Westeros — “Gather round warriors of Winterfell and prepare for the brief of safety to be given by our beloved Hodor” said Arya Stark, as the first snow of the season began to fall. “Hodor, please inform the men and women of this great kingdom what they should and shouldn’t do this weekend to ensure safety across our lands.”
“Hodor,” said Hodor, in a greeting manner. “Hodor hodor hodor, HODOR, hodor hodor, rape is bad, hodor.” he added. “Hodor hodor, HOLD THE DOOR, hodor hodor, hOdOr, drunk people can’t give consent, hodor hodor hold the door, hodor, and use protection.”
“Hodor hodor, don’t drink mead and ride your stead, hodor hodor hodor, hold the door,” Hodor said.
“Hodor hodor, have a designated rider, hodor hodor, hold the door!” he added. “HODOR HODOR HODOR, STOP FIGHTING THE DRAGOONS, HODOR!” he exclaimed. “Hodor hodor, hodor hodor hodor, hodor.”
“Hodor, watch out for dragons, hodor hodor hodor, hold the door, hodor” said Hodor. “Hodor, don’t beat, or murder, your significant other, hodor hodor, hold the door, hodor, don’t sleep with your relatives, hodor. Hodor hodor, watch out for white walkers, hodor hodor, and don’t tell them about their white walker privilege or they’ll bite you, hodor hodor hodor.”
“In closing, hodor … hodor hodor HODOR, hold the door, hooodddooorrr,” said Hodor. “Hodor, Bran is really weird, hodor hodor, Daenerys was really crazy, hodor hodor, why didn’t Jon Snow become the king?” Hodor said.
Hold the door.