Proud Boys form up at 0330 to standby to standby to standby to standby
’MURICA – The professional coalition of rough-and-ready patriots known as The Proud Boys arrived in formation at 0330 this morning, sources report, ready to execute follow-on presidential directives.
“Alright, gents, POTUS wants us to standby,” tweeted Proud Boys leader, Enrique Tarrio. “I want every swinging dick on a 24-hour recall.”
The Proud Boys, founded in 2016, were established as an everyman check to uphold the Constitutionality of orders emanating from the Oval Office.
“Alright, you rootin’, tootin’, Schlitz-shootin’ cowboys,” announced Jurgis Ferguson, President, Proud Boys Arkansas Chapter, “[Führer] Tarrio wants us standing by at 0600 today.”
Since their inception, the Proud Boys have upheld the American ideals of blonde hair, blue eyes, and the companionship of a token Black friend.
“Alright, you cock-strokin’, fiddle-folkin’, kin-fuckin’ wiseguys,” declared Danny McSeamus, President, Proud Boys Colorado Chapter, “word from out east is they want every nobleman out here ready t…
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