150,000 shooting deaths in Middle East direct result of violent video games, study finds

AFGHANISTAN — A new study has found more than 150,000 shooting deaths, stabbings, and bombings in the Middle East can be directly attributed to violent video games, Duffel Blog has learned.

The study makes a number of stunning revelations, to include the claim that "hyper-realism" displayed in modern, violent video games has contributed to the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people in Iraq, Syria, and elsewhere, to include American troops, civilians, members of at least nine terrorist groups, and anywhere from one to five puppies.

The study, commissioned by the nonpartisan group Definitely Not The NRA (DNTNRA), was conducted over "at least ten to fifteen minutes of looking at YouTube compilation videos," among more extended research in the Library of Infowars.

"While we initially began this investigation to determine if there was a link between video games and school violence," the authors write in their report, "it became apparent very quickly that video games were responsible for nearly all violence in the world. This flies in the face of the common liberal argument that mass shootings only occur in the United States because of a lack of gun control. Since, you know, the whole world is violent. At least, it is where we send the military, anyway."

One of the report's examples comes in the form of a 2014 cell phone video, which showed a number of U.S. Marines playing the classic Bubble Bobble video game, where players either sadistically suffocate their enemies inside bubbles or, worse, actually consume them for fuel — an allegory to, and possibly the origin of, the oft-cited Marine slogan "blood makes the grass grow."

Researchers found that immediately after the cell phone video was shot, those same Marines razed a local village in Kandahar province and killed more than 40 civilians.

Still, the study notes that the history of violent video games influencing large-scale violence is not a recent phenomenon.

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, the authors note, played a 14-hour marathon of Call of Duty before deciding to invade Iraq. And the 9/11 hijackers spent an "unhealthy" amount of time exploring the last few levels of the classic Doom video game, which the authors say presents "a clear connection between Islam and video games and also violence."

And President Ronald Reagan played Space Invaders religiously, which caused him to pursue the so-called 'Star Wars' strategic defense initiative that ballooned the US defense budget upwards of $30 billion.