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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 120 · Thursday, 8 October 2026

Pentagon

DTS works properly after hack by rogue AI

Pentagon scrambling to restore slow load times, incomprehensible errors and traditional user experience

Lincoln sailor returning from deployment already broke

Paste-eating Marine praised for unmatched commitment to unit

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Vol. 15 · No. 120

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Vol. 15 · No. 120 · Deployed worldwide

Thursday

8 October 2026

1303 Zulu

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· Page 2

DoD memo from 1985 finally authorizes service members to wear mullets

It's about damn time.

Filed · 0500

Recent advancements in ponytails for women have progressed the Army and other military services. But before ponytails were approved for women there was a memorandum from 1985 to approve mullets for men, and today it was finally signed.

"If women can wear ponytails, it's time to let men wear mullets," American Legion spokesman John Raughter said in response. "Fair is fair when it comes to hair."

The memo stemmed from a study that began in 1984 that suggested that men with mullets could run faster, jump higher, and instill traumatic levels of fear in the hearts of enemies.

The initial study was so promising that it continued into the 1990s and was finally published in 2003, but it was overshadowed by the Global War on Terror. It's unclear why the mullet memo was never approved, especially since the data showed that improving mullethality led to great recruitment numbers.

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