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83% of troops support direct action in escalating Chip-Swipe conflict

WASHINGTON – A recent poll conducted by Gallup found that 83% of active military service members support direct action in resolving the escalating chip and swipe conflict.

“Are we chipping or swiping, because I feel stupid as fuck," said Petty Officer Brandon Sweeney, echoing a common sentiment across the military. “I’m ready to throat punch every cashier until we figure this goddamn thing out.”

“Seriously, motherfuckers,” said Sweeney, as he swiped his card from each direction. “Could we get on the same page here, even just from one package store to the next on base?

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