82nd Airborne to fuel its own DUIs

FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Last week the 82nd Airborne released its own brand of whiskey to reduce the outsourcing of paratrooper boozing.

“It’s our latest effort in vertical integration,” explained 82nd staff officer and brand ambassador Maj. Ray Gupta, “Why should Fayetteville bars supply our soldiers’ alcoholism when we can just do it ourselves?”

The release c…