Being a military spouse has been called the toughest job in the military, mostly by people who haven’t done any other job in the military. Regardless, it’s always difficult to break up with your significant other while they’re deployed. But you don’t have to go it alone. We are here for you, with an easy to follow four-step process to make your next deployment divorce the smoothest one yet.

Step 1: Cheat on them

It’s totally unrealistic to expect you to go six months without having sex. We haven’t had a dry spell like that since we were eight years old! Luckily, this shouldn’t be too tough, provided you have a pulse and you live within a hundred miles of a military base. You can even leave your wedding ring on and some lonely Staff NCO still won’t hesitate to fuck you senseless. Semper Fidelis indeed!