FORT MEADE, Md. — Access to networked multifunction printer/scanner/copiers is a “privilege not a right,” according to Pfc. Michael Lund, who works closely with an information technology contractor responsible for making such bold determinations of strength and character. Printer 3242678.mcqc//s3 is the pinnacle, and Lund says, "Only the best" get access to it.

“When someone walks in thinking that since they work in Building 3287 room 18 that I would automatically give them access to 3242678.mcqc//s3, they’re not seeing the whole picture," reported Lund, who has been assigned to Fort Meade since his graduation from basic training and the 25B course. "I alone am the guardian of 3242678.mcqc//s3, a responsibility I take without hesitation or mental reservation.”

According to Lund, each batch of new IT support tickets is more weak-willed and feeble than the last and will surely be the end of the Army as we know it.

“In fact,” added Lund, “I’ve only had one person come in with their own cartridge to speed up the process. That guy understood the commitment and dedication to the Army team that makes us all stronger. He and he alone may have access to 3242678.mcqc//s3. ”

Lund has stated that although the current process is going better, he still can’t believe how many people think they should be able to print just because they took an information assurance class, attained signatures from three levels of command, and then printed the ticket at home so that it could be turned in.

“Sometimes I tell them I’m only give them access to 69/fml//fng, LOL," says Lund. "If they’re not ready to fight for 3242678.mcqc//s3, they’re not ready to fight for America.”

Lund’s viewpoint on forging one’s soul in the gauntlet of adversity as proof one is worthy extends to copiers and sharedrives.

“SIPR tokens I reserve for those who I can tell are pure of heart and sound of body,” stated Lund. "No matter what the paperwork says, I am the final line of defense keeping America’s most sensitive information out of the wrong hands.

"I need to see something fierce in their eyes to know that that they're ready for the awesome responsibility.”

Lund’s supervisor, Ben Hawking, reports that while he occasionally takes heat for the low closeout rates on IT tickets, the important thing to remember is that his contract is supported by maintaining hourly averages of work to keep the contract renewed.

“I only save that kind of treatment for access to 27//aheg//fga,” says Hawking. “That truly is the champagne of share drives.”