Adjutant drops shit on XO’s desk
CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — The battalion adjutant dropped shit on the desk of the executive officer late early this morning, sources confirmed.
Though the XO is used to having a bunch of shit dropped on his desk throughout the day, this latest dump caught him off guard when he spotted it at 6:45 a.m., since it was a wet, brown lump on his desk.
The major purportedly let out a high pitched shrill before slamming the door to his office, falling back over his heels on to the floor before screaming for help.
“It looks like a goddamned brown tree snake coiled up in the middle of my desk sir! Of course I freaked,” the XO told his commanding officer, in response to a question about why he was screaming at the sight of an otherwise healthy looking turd.
“I can’t have you freaking out every time someone puts some shit on your desk," the CO reportedly told him, adding: "It’s part of your job. Now, get that shit out of here!”
Sources confirmed the adjutant later brought over paperwork for the major to sign, placing it atop the steaming pile of poo which sat there festering in the middle of his desk.
The night prior, the Adjutant purportedly stayed in the office until 2230 responding to a flurry of tasks fired off by the Major which included correcting a travel claim, updating battalion policy letters, and doing overall stuff to “make shit happen," according to defense officials.
And so at approximately 0635 this morning the Adjutant did just that, squatting on top of the XO’s desk and squeezing out a brown swirl of chocolate-covered doo.
“It felt really good to unload like that," the Adjutant explained, after launching into a spirited tirade about how Times New Roman is much better, though the XO still insists on using Courier New.
The lieutenant added: "And if the XO makes me do another travel claim, he’ll just have to deal with double the amount of shit next time."