Media Confirms Race And Gender Of First Female African-American Admiral

WASHINGTON — Following the nomination of Vice Admiral Michelle Howard for promotion to four-star admiral, media sources have confirmed she is indeed the first African-American woman to receive such a post.

“Vice Admiral Howard has had a long and interesting career,” Frederick Kant, editor of U.S. News & World Report, told his reporters Wednesday. “So don’t say a single thing about it. Instead, talk about how she’s a woman. She is following in the footsteps of Gen. Dunwoody, the first female four-star general in the Army, and Gen. Wolfenbarger, the first female four star in the Air Force.”

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Hundreds of copies of her biography were printed for press release kits after her nomination was announced, all of which have gone unread, Duffel Blog has learned.

“Vice Admiral Howard is also black,” Kant said, pointing out the mention of Howard as an African-American and a woman without details of her service will do wonders for her confidence. “Mention that several times. She was the first African American female to command a Navy warship. That’s the only thing we’ll say that she’s done."

Other media sources told Duffel Blog of instructions to mention nothing she did while in command, anything notable in her career, or anything about her as an actual human being.

When reached for comment, Vice Admiral Howard was sitting at her desk wondering if anyone was even going to mention how she was in command of the 2009 operation that saved Capt. Richard Phillips from Somali pirates. “I mean, seriously,” she told reporters. “That movie just came out.”