Advice Column: Ask Top, Your Non-Friendly Neighborhood First Sergeant (Ep.2)

His hobbies include chewing ass, laughing at Second Lieutenants, killing people with his bare hands, and telling soldiers to get their damn hands out of their pockets.

DEAR TOP: Why can't we grow awesome beards and mustaches in combat? The Afghans will respect us, we won’t have as many weapons malfunctions or ambushes, and we’ll have awesome pictures of …