WASHINGTON — Following increased public criticism of the Air Force’s controversial religious policies, the Air Force's Special Panel on Religious Freedom has announced a brand new amendment to Air Force Instruction 1-1 which will allow atheists to mentally omit references to a monotheistic deity while being forced to pray at official functions.

“This is a real step forward in religious equality,” Lt. Gen. Harold Norsworth, chairman of the committee, said in a press release. “Now, when hundreds of people around them bow their heads in prayer and mutter ‘Yes, Jesus!’ atheists will be able to silently censor the chaplain in their heads, removing any mention of a deity they may or may not believe in but who definitely exists and is judging them.”