KABUL — A Command Sergeant Major serving in Kabul who reportedly said he'd fight the war "so his son wouldn't have to" in 2001 sort of feels like an asshole right now, after his son joined the Army a year ago and serves with a unit just a few miles away, sources confirmed today.

"When I said that, I thought we were going to, you know, come in, bomb the shit out of them, shoot a few guys, and split," said Sgt. Maj. Ted Stevens while noting previous U.S. engagements without a prolonged troop presence such as Vietnam and Korea.

Brad Stevens, a private first class now serving with 2nd Infantry Division, barely remembers the events of Sept. 11, when he was just seven years old.

"I remember my mom and dad just staring at the television screen, and smoke, but I didn't really know what he meant when he said we needed to 'bomb them back to the stone age,'" Brad told reporters.