'We Would Have Won The War If I Was In Charge,' Low-Ranking Afghanistan Veteran Says
OKLAHOMA CITY, Okla. — A low-ranking enlisted Marine who deployed to Afghanistan for seven months in 2009 claims he could have solved the myriad issues of tribalism, corruption, and lack of government reach that has plagued the country for thousands of years if only he were in charge of the U.S. war effort, sources confirmed this morning.
"Bottom line: Things would be drastically different if they would've listened to me," said Lance Cpl. Frederick Udall, a former infantryman with 3rd Battalion, 4th Marines. In addition to being a terminal lance criminal, Udall has a masters degree in "hajji-stomping," according to a document he proudly displays in his home office.
Indeed, the American efforts in Afghanistan have been marred by various setbacks. From installing Hamid Karzai as president — only to have him complain about everything the U.S. has done since then — to using a military that prides itself on blowing shit up to build schools and offices for corrupt government officials, the or…
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