KABUL, Afghanistan — Despite America’s best efforts to leave Afghanistan, the central Asian country refuses to accept the breakup. Afghanistan responded to the latest attempt by texting, “Oh no you didn’t.”

America’s social media relationship status with Afghanistan has long been listed as “It's complicated.’ The open relationship involves a lot of financial support for Afghanistan’s lifestyle, corruption, and a rotation series of nations that continually play around with Afghanistan’s borders and zones These paramours are mostly European, but occasionally other exotic nations—depending on Afghanistan's needs.

The relationship has been a roller coaster of promises, failures, small successes, and disappointments. America has long tried to leave but seems unable to quit its longest war.

Afghanistan has told friends, “I thought this was supposed to be forever. You’re still in Germany, Japan, and South Korea. Why can’t you stay inside me?”

America declined to be interviewed but did tweet that…