Air Force band Max Impact pulls music from Spotify
And just when they were about to blow up.
By Blondes Over Baghdad
JOINT BASE ANACOSTIA BOLLING — Max Impact, the official rock and pop music ensemble of the United States Air Force, followed the lead of artists Neil Diamond and Joni Mitchell today and demanded that their music be pulled from Spotify in protest of alleged misinformation in a popular podcast hosted by Joe Rogan.
“It would be a real shame if everyone started listening to our music to hear what all the fuss is about before it goes off Spotify,” said Air Force 1st Lt. Peter Dorau, Max Impact’s frontman.
Dorau added that his rating period ends in February.
Dorau’s move has rubbed several members of Max Impact the wrong way, including keyboardist Tech. Sgt. Aaron “Mother of all Chords” Trask.
“This is as bad as when the LT tried to make our act ‘more metal’ by having us smash our guitars during ‘The Airman’s Creed.’ He should have known that we are proud Airmen. No one lifts heavy enough to be able to break shit.”
The protest might be a deflection since Duffel Blog sources say the band itself has also been accused of misinformation. Their most streamed song on Spotify, “Kuwait is a Deployment,” was branded as propaganda by the Marine Corps Civil Liberties Union.
“Max Impact thinks any attention is good attention,” said Army Fife and Drums Corps Commander Warrant Officer Alex Kasperov. “Frankly, I can’t believe that they stoop so low,” he added while putting his tricorn hat back on before stepping off in a jaunty fancy walk.
Kasperov, a graduate of the Army Gwar College, went on to describe how in true rock star fashion, Max Impact always encouraged crowds to arrive 15 minutes early, stretch before moshing, and stay hydrated throughout the night’s shredding.
While Max Impact’s eight songs will be missed terribly by retired chief master sergeants on Spotify, the band issued a statement that they still welcome the public to attend their next live concert, to be held at St. Paul, Minnesota Municipal bandshell center Tuesday night at 4:30pm.
Blondes Over Baghdad lets someone else take the top block because it’s the selfless service thing to do. She’ll go to ranger school when there’s a 3-beer policy. Follow her on Twitter at @BlondsOvrBaghd
Why are they dressed like Jiffy Lube attendants?
When you're a pilot, it's a "flight suit." If you're not a pilot, it's just a onesie. Like infants wear.