Air Force smart bomb too clever for dumb Navy bomb
NEVADA TEST AND TRAINING RANGE, Nev. — After winning a competition at the military’s annual Red Flag exercise, an Air Force Small Diameter Bomb II was just too intelligent for those Navy dumb bombs, according to a sea service Mk 82 general purpose bomb.
Mk 82, callsign “Dumbass,” said the “StormBreaker” bomb contains brains that it just doesn’t have. Dumbass was addressing reporters and bomb nerds outside a bunker at Nellis AFB, while wiping down dad-sweat from its loser bomb body and applying baby powder to its tail fuze.
“Look at the big brain on that guy!” said Dumbass, downing a shot of Military Special bourbon. “It nailed those targets with the millimeter wave radar and GPS. We weren’t funded for that. What a shitbag!”
Dumbass continued, “Oh sure, it went to the Air Force Bomb Academy and I was just Bomb Officer Training Corps (BOTC) in college. But BOTC is just as good!”
When interviewed in its Coral Suite at the Mandalay Bay Resort in Las Vegas, StormBreaker was nonchalant.