PAKISTAN – The pretentious vale of Little Berkeley is buzzing with excitement as locals whisper of the much-anticipated return of the extremist group, al Qaeda. The group broke through to the American public in late-2001 with the smash hit, “The Twin Towers,” but lost much traction over the past few years and has desperately struggled to maintain relevancy.

“Listen, I’m not proud of this. None of us are. But we recently did a Cash 4 Gold commercial alongside MC Hammer just to pay last month’s overhead,” divulged AQ financier Mohammed Gul Ibrahim.

Much like hipsters found in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, al Qaeda members sport long beards and wear clothes no other people would wear without feeling like “total douchebags,” according to one analyst at the Center for Strategic and International Studies. Gallup polls revealed that 97 percent of Americans would rather “hang out with Dennis Rodman than be seen in public with some mangy degenerate in a keffiyeh.”

While al Qaeda's latest release, "Skirmishes," fizzled in Iraq and Afghanistan, it was met with mild success in Southeast Asia, and in particular, the Philippines. Despite the rut, the group has maintained an underground following of rabidly die-hard fans.