By Bull Winkle

NAPLES, Italy — The remarkable discovery of the remains of a Roman soldier buried in ash from the first century Mount Vesuvius eruption offers evidence that staff work has been a literal killer for nearly 2,000 years, according to archaeologists at the site.

Amal Rossellini of Naples University said that her international team of scientists unearthed a skeleton at Pompeii wearing the dress and equipment of a Roman Legion staff officer, Centurion Inutilis Notitia — which roughly translates to “captain of useless information” — still sitting at a desk.

The centurion was one of several remains discovered in the Pompeii regional military headquarters. Some with the rank of Praefectus Slide Shammus (equivalents to a modern major) were also found on their small work stools, or squati pottii. 

“They kept cranking out papyrus scrolls while the world literally burn…