TOPEKA, KS – After several months of closed-door negotiations, the Chaplain Corps of the U.S. Army has announced that they have finally reached an agreement with the Westboro Baptist Church that will allow its members to serve officially as military chaplains.

Second Lt. Jacob Phelps, a member of the Westboro congregation who was already serving as a non-denominational Christian chaplain, has been officially inducted into the Chaplain Corps. Phelps is himself a pioneer: the first member of his congregation to serve in the U.S. Army.

"I admit it was a little unusual," Phelps chuckled, "growing up protesting at fag funerals for fag soldiers in their fag army. But after a while I thought, maybe the reason they're such baby-killing scum is they haven't been exposed to the good word of the Church and the love it preaches."

In addition to his ministerial duties, Phelps will participate in offering secular advice for soldiers in his unit, including family affairs and counseling services.

"A lot …