THE PENTAGON — The Army recently announced that all of its Brigade Combat Teams have failed to meet First Lady Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move” goal of exercising 60 minutes per day, five days a week, according to a recent survey.

The health initiative, championed by the First Lady, pushes kids and adults to exercise for at least one hour a day. The Army insists that they have no time to spare for working out, however.

“I'd have time to 'move 60' too if I was a professional housewife,” Pvt. Jacob Johnson of the 101st Airborne responded in the confidential survey. “But I’m a soldier, so the only thing I’m moving is a 30-rack of Keystone© to the barracks.”

Sgt. Dylan Roberts, a Counterintelligence NCO, echoed Johnson’s concerns.