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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 118 · Sunday, 4 October 2026

Navy & Marines

Paste-eating Marine praised for unmatched commitment to unit

Unit leaders say his ability to stick with the mission is unmatched

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

Space Force’s new uniform puts a little goose back in the step

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Vol. 15 · No. 118

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Vol. 15 · No. 118 · Deployed worldwide

Sunday

4 October 2026

1558 Zulu

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← Front page
Army · Page 4

Army General with 6 minute run time loses war

But, but, that's not possible.

Filed · 0500

General officers in the Army have long been chosen for their ability to fill out paperwork, say yes, run fast, and not win wars. And the incredible system for selecting military leaders to fight and lose the nation's wars has once again proven successful in Afghanistan.

"The Special Operations folks were winning in Afghanistan," said Gen. George W. Casey Jr. "But we decided to put a guy with a great run time in charge and bring in conventional forces. Then we repeated it for nearly 20 years."

"The silver lining to all of this is that now most of us have some pretty sweet jobs teaching the same academics we didn't listen to, making fat stacks selling weapons to our friends, talking about how awesome we were, and spreading misinformation," Casey added. "So there really weren't any repercussions if you really think about it."

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