FORT HOOD, Texas — Army Maj. Jared Barney got home from work early yesterday, expecting a celebration. Instead he was disappointed to find business as normal: his wife, Samantha, was uninterested in any festivities surrounding that most holiest of holidays, namely, D-Day.

“It was a pretty big letdown just walking in the door,” Barney said from his office, where he is currently serving as the Executive Officer of 215th Brigade Support Battalion. “I expected for her to have banners and posters, maybe a live band, or at least a tasteful-yet-erotic D-Day mix. But there was nothing.”

Dejected, Barney said he sulked in his garage, tinkering with his woodworking tools for a bit, until it occurred to him that maybe Samantha hadn’t had time to prepare since he arrived home earlier than normal.

“I thought, sure, Sam probably just didn’t expect me home so soon,” he said. “So I went back in and told her, hey, I’m going to take a long shower. Made sure she knew I was going to be upstairs for, like, at least an hour. And I thought, hey, added bonus: I’m making sure the D is clean and serviceable, for a pleasant D-Day for all involved.”