FORT SAM HOUSTON, Texas — A commissioned officer assigned to U.S. Army North (ARNORTH) was reprimanded and nearly removed from his job after being charged with 20 counts of homicide, sources confirmed.
Maj. Chase Rhodes is alleged to be the notorious ‘I-10 Strangler,’ a serial killer whose bloody slayings just happened to start soon after the officer arrived at ARNORTH.
But Rhodes’ lawyer, Capt. Timothy Smythe, told Duffel Blog the charges are wildly inaccurate and discriminatory against his client, who is a minority and also a complete nut job.
“I think the whack-doodle did only 10 of them, tops,” said Smythe. “But my deranged client is innocent of the other charges due to his complete state of utter madness," the attorney added, while making a whirling motion with his index finger by his temple and a “shushing” sound while putting a finger to his lips.
When asked about an unrelated series of nearby murders, Maj. Rhodes quietly pushed a hockey mask underneath his desk with the toe of his boot, and then declared that he hadn't yet been formally charged, though he expected to receive a letter of counseling.
“We all pay our dues,” he said. “I'll accept any memorandum-based admonishment and then transfer this summer on a scheduled rotation to Army headquarters.”
The allegedly unhinged major was reportedly given a letter of reprimand for the murders, which was delivered to his locked room at the San Antonio Behavioral Healthcare Hospital. The letter was signed, “with apologies to a fellow field-grader, Col. Wayne Williams.”
Rhodes was released later that day and returned to duty, apparently chastened and promising to do better, according to a number of his peers.
Back at work, Rhodes received a update on current activities from fellow officer Maj. Zane Pearson. Though not an insane, homicidal maniac himself, Pearson was nonetheless expecting to be discharged under less-than-honorable conditions for screwing up a routine readiness briefing to the ARNORTH commander.