FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Maj. Tom Norton, Assistant S3 at Division, simply cannot wait to see and proofread your PowerPoint slides, even though it is a Friday afternoon, his eleventh wedding anniversary, and his wife is waiting at home wearing nothing but a bottle of Oban and a pair of Jimmy Choos, sources confirmed moments ago.

“I’m in no hurry,” said Norton, 33, a decorated combat veteran of both OIF and OEF who you often publicly deride as a "staff weenie," and who commanded an Infantry company in Afghanistan for fourteen months. “It’s not like I have anything better to do. This is the most important job I've ever had.”

Norton is happy to cool his heels in his cubicle diddling around on Facebook while he waits, sources confirmed.