THE PENTAGON – The U.S. Army announced yesterday that it will replace all service-earned benefits with allowing soldiers to roll their sleeves.

“We’ve thought about this for a long time and it’s just the right thing to do,” said Army Chief of Staff Gen. Mark Milley as he pointed at a poorly-drawn bar chart on his desk.

“It also just so happens that the higher the sleeves go, the more benefits are cut, BAH? Forget about it, retirement? No.”

During a ten-day test period at the immense military complex of Fort Hood in Texas, soldiers were ecstatic about the possibility of being able to roll their sleeves during the hot summer months in a state where temperatures can sometimes reach upwards of 110 degrees.

However, many were completely unaware of the proposed changes to earned benefits that included an end to basic allowance for housing (BAH), which covers the cost of housing for military members. Still, others were aware but chose to revel in the possibility of being able to finally expose t…