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Army replaces benefits with rolled sleeves

THE PENTAGON – The U.S. Army announced yesterday that it will replace all service-earned benefits with allowing soldiers to roll their sleeves.

“We’ve thought about this for a long time and it’s just the right thing to do,” said Army Chief of Staff Gen. Mark Milley as he pointed at a poorly-drawn bar chart on his desk.

“It also just so happens that the higher the sleeves go, the more benefits are cut, BAH? Forget about it, retirement? No.”

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