Duffel Blog

Share this post

Army Says Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves

www.duffelblog.com

Army Says Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves

Maxx Butthurt
May 13, 2013
Share this post

Army Says Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves

www.duffelblog.com

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Secretary of the Army has announced the service will soon reinstitute corporal punishment in order to improve soldiers' morale, which recent studies show is at an all-time low.

In a new report, Secretary John McHugh highlights a number of punishment methods he claims will "get the Army on track." While the full report is still pending the Secretary of Defense's final review, Duffel Blog was able to obtain a draft copy.

The primary target for new punishments will be minor offenders. Male soldiers in the ranks of E-1 through E-4 can be sentenced with as little as five lashes with a cat ‘o nine tails in their company areas, all the way up to the maximum of 99. Female soldiers have not been selected for the administration of the new punishments, since equal opportunity (EO) studies have proven that almost all infractions they incur are usually the fault of male co-workers.

"If a soldier is late to formation, mouthing off to their squad leader, or unshaven at morning ro…

Keep reading with a 7-day free trial

Subscribe to Duffel Blog to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.

Already a paid subscriber? Sign in
Previous
Next
© 2023 Duffel Blog LLC
Privacy ∙ Terms ∙ Collection notice
Start WritingGet the app
Substack is the home for great writing