Army shuts down specialists’ Barracks Autonomous Zone
FORT HOOD, Texas — Acting on a tip, agents from the Army’s Criminal Investigation Command arrested a group of specialists who occupied a barracks and declared it “autonomous from unrighteous laws and terrible torture such as adhering to the UCMJ, performing PT and eating at the DFAC.”
OBAZ, which stands for Occupied Barracks Autonomous Zone, was created by the shadowy “E-4 Mafia,” long presumed to be responsible for cancelled PT tests, destruction of criminal charging sheets, and the general state of malaise and incompetence that has plagued officers for decades.
The barracks was occupied for just two hours, but the specialists quickly set up barricades made of take-out pizza boxes, inflatable dolls and over 70,000 empty cans of snuff. Specialists also established an Entry Control Point (ECP) manned by a kidnaped private first class, who checked CAC cards while duct-taped to a chair and wearing only basic training-issue undergarments, sockless combat boots, and a horse-head mask. He was…
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