New Private Eager To Join US Army's 'Socialist Paradise'

Oct 05, 2022

∙ Paid

FORT POLK, La. — Spurred by the prospect of solid communal living, subsidized health care, and a guaranteed job, newly-graduated Pvt. Bronson Alcott extolled the virtues of the U.S. Army's socialist paradise, sources confirmed today.

"I can hardly wait to get started," gushed Alcott, as he boarded the bus for the airport from his graduation at Fort Polk,…

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