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Soldier escapes Ebola quarantine, catches gonorrhea

VICENZA, Italy — Army Pvt. Eric Roberts broke out of his 21-one day Ebola quarantine to hit up a bar and caught a vicious case of gonorrhea, Duffel Blog has learned.

Roberts, 19, was undergoing mandatory quarantine in his barracks room after building aid stations for Ebola-afflicted patients in Liberia. According to senior defense officals, Roberts snuck out his back window after four days of quarantine, took a taxi to the closest bar, and caught gonorrhea from a local hooker named Firefly.

“I was bored,” Roberts said, when asked to explain his actions. “It was Friday, I can drink legally here, and I want to bang a woman in every country I go to. Now it burns when I pee."

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