New FOBBIT Camouflage Blends Perfectly With Gravel, Plywood, And Computers

AFGHANISTAN — This week, the U.S. military fields a new camouflage pattern specifically crafted for those soldiers who spend entire deployments behind Hesco barriers and out of harm's way.

Issued to TOC Jockeys, PowerPoint Rangers, and Intel Weenies across the services, the so-called "FOBBIT" print features details perfectly at home in the sterile, pseudo-war environment of a Forward Operating Base, or FOB.

The design notably eschews the MultiCam melange of browns and tans, which the military says it will reserve exclusively for guys still conducting operations.

"So basically no one," one Army official explained.

Development and production of the new uniforms reportedly cost the Army an estimated $600 million. They arrive just in time for the near-complete retrograde of U.S. forces from Afghanistan. A Type II variant of the pattern is nevertheless in development, which the Army says will help soldiers blend in effortlessly with the MWR room and their beds.