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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 136 · Saturday, 14 November 2026

Navy & Marines

Marine with extremely low IQ thrilled by switch to Super Intelligence

Marine Corps announces major technological advancement requiring millions of dollars in new signage and PowerPoint slides

Homeless veterans receive 10% off cardboard boxes this Veterans Day

Hegseth asks staff to make next execution more like ‘The Running Man’

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Vol. 15 · No. 136

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Vol. 15 · No. 136 · Deployed worldwide

Saturday

14 November 2026

0557 Zulu

Next edition Monday

← Front page
Army · Page 4

Army to discuss swag-bag strategy at AUSA conference

Filed · 1552

WASHINGTON — The Association of the United States Army (AUSA) describes their annual meeting as the largest landpower exposition and professional development forum in North America. While tens of thousands of military and defense professionals gather at the D.C. convention center for the same conference, some attendees have very different priorities, sources say.

"General Dynamics has what? 'Fidget spinners?' No, cancel that meeting," said Army Lt. Gen. Neil Thurgood to his huddled staff. "And tell them 2017 called and said it wants its trinket back."

Commonly referred to as swag, fidget spinners are just one of many useless pieces of crap that vendors use to lure the Pentagon's top brass and senior executives in for conversations about lucrative upcoming contracts. Other unimpressive swag offerings will include items like company-branded pens, squishy stress balls, and refrigerator magnets.

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