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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Saturday, 26 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Saturday

26 September 2026

0517 Zulu

Next edition Monday

← Front page
Army · Page 4

Army to replace 85% of personnel with Velociraptors by 2025

Filed · 1533

WASHINGTON — The Army says it will replace 85 percent of its personnel with velociraptors by the year 2025, according to a policy memo released this week.

According to the document, the Army will start phasing out human soldiers and will begin filling the ranks with raptors and other ferocious dinosaurs from the Cretaceous Period in fiscal year 2018.

Chief of Staff of the Army Gen. Mark Milley says transitioning to an almost fully theropodal force is the only way to ensure the Army remains the best warfighting outfit in the world.

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