FAYETTEVILLE, NC — True love is often hard to find, but Staff Sgt. Thomas Blake doesn't think so. Blake, a 27D Paralegal Specialist, recently met the "woman of his dreams" at a popular gentleman's club and was married soon after.
The honeymoon ended abruptly however, and now Blake is committed to the Army indefinitely through the use of a General Power of Attorney.
While out celebrating a recent court room victory, Staff Sgt. Blake went into a drunken stupor at 'The Show-Me Station' — a popular bar and gentleman's club. Soon after his arrival, a stripper named Lollipop caught his eye.
The blonde-haired, blue eyed dancer is most famous for her short acting career, starring in 'Sidewalk Sluts II: Lollipop's Cum Back'.
Witnesses contend that she acted like a Siren of Greek mythology, enchanting the men at the bar with a world renowned exhibition in which her name has gained notoriety from. While on stage she would put tootsie roll pops in her vagina, and tell the patrons to see how many licks it would take to get to the center.
For Blake, it was the spark which made him fall head over heels.
The next morning, while suffering from a severe hangover and bruises inflicted by Lollipop's dominatrix routine -- involving interrogation techniques normally reserved for Survival, Evasion, Resistance, and Escape training — Blake and Lollipop made the trip to the Justice of the Peace so he could marry "the most honest stripper he's ever met."
The marriage soon turned sour when Lollipop discovered Blake wasn't all he claimed to be. He had initially sworn he was a Brigadier General, but became suspicious when he didn't take the reserved spot in the ID Card Facility parking lot. Those suspicions were proven correct when her dependent ID Card indicated that her sponsor was only a Staff Sergeant. She then knew Blake couldn't support her compulsive purchases of platform shoes and methamphetamines and set out to teach him a lesson.
While her husband was with his unit for a month-long Field Training Exercise, Lollipop went to the post career counselor to set her plan into action. It was here she demanded to re-enlist Blake with her General Power of Attorney. Before the U.S. flag, she raised her right hand and swore her husband would, "Support and Defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic". After signing the INDEF, needs of the Army contract with a bonus of $50.00, she then took her U.S. Army coffee mug, and made her way to the PX to max out their Star Card.
TDB investigative correspondents were able to corroborate the story after obtaining copies of the couples marriage/annulment decree, and Staff Sgt. Blake's current re-enlistment contract. Both parties could not be contacted at the time, but Blake's voice mail stated, "I am currently unavailable due to being assigned to a weather station in Antarctica, if this is Lollipop, [expletive] You!"
Blake's former Commander, JAG Attorney Capt. Joseph Wikks, was asked what he thought about this situation.
"I hadn't met his wife, didn't even know her name, but the guys said she was a ten. Time and time again I told that ass clown not to sign a General Power of Attorney."
Wikks went on to tell about the other horrors of the General Power of Attorney, which in one scenario involved another stripper who held the record -- having the Power of Attorneys of six different Soldiers.