By Jordan Hemlock

WICHITA, Kan. –Two weeks after transitioning to a new camouflage pattern, the Air Force is reporting more airmen AWOL than at the peak of the Vietnam War. 

“I can never find my subordinates anymore,” said 2d Lt Billy Lahst, a flight commander for the 22nd Aircraft Maintenance Squadron at McConnell Air Force Base. “Airmen are constantly missing from morning formation, but they insist I overlooked them.”

After decades of complaints, the Air Force is replacing the Airman Battle Uniform (ABU) with the Army’s Operational Camouflage Pattern (OCP). Since 2008, the ABU has been lauded for its ability to blend into thrift store couches, and little else. This feature of the ABU kept AWOL numbers low. Only one airman was reported AWOL from McConnell AFB during the lifespan of the ABU, and he was found curled up on a couch at Goodwill less than three hours after a base-wide search began.

“We had to ban thrift store couches after that,” stated Lt Lahst. “He blended right in. I probab…