Let me be clear: There is nothing more important to myself or this great nation than supporting the men and women who make up our armed forces.
So that's why I'm supporting a 1 percent military pay raise instead of the extravagant 1.8 percent you were going to get.
Now, I support the troops unequivocally. I even show it, like buying girl scout cookies, and I had my secretary put one of those purple ribbons on her car. But we have to be realistic. A 1.8 percent pay raise would bankrupt our country. We just can't afford these exorbitant salaries any more.
We need to make some hard choices, and that means cutting the pay of members of Congress and other government officials.
Oh, excuse me. That's a screw-up. I meant only military members.
Now look, I know you're probably going to be upset about this. Believe me, it was rough on me too — I had to make the hard choice to cut your pay and then release the news on the Friday afternoon of a Labor Day weekend so the media wouldn't cover it. It almost brought me to tears.
But look at the bright side: Just like me, you're now part of the 'one percent.' Congratulations.
Some of you probably won't be satisfied with that, and I understand, but without that cut to the budget, I might have to reduce my $400,000 annual salary even more. And let's face the facts: it was either cut your salaries or the F-35 program. Total no-brainer.
I'll pay you more when you actually go out and win something.