Duffel Blog

Share this post
Barracks stock market expert totally about to make a killing
www.duffelblog.com

Barracks stock market expert totally about to make a killing

May 17, 2020
Share this post
Barracks stock market expert totally about to make a killing
www.duffelblog.com

JACKSONVILLE, N.C. — Pvt. 1st Class John Hodges is totally about to make millions in the stock market, sources report.

"Stocks are so low right now I'm going to buy a bunch," Hodges said earlier today. "In a few months I'll be rich."

Hodges, who has a credit score of 510 and is $23,000 in debt, has emerged as a financial expert during the stock market downturn. He had the genius idea to buy stocks when they’re lower, and has poured thousands of dollars into stocks he says “have to be so down right now, like Amazon.”

"All these companies' stocks are low," he said. "I'm going to move everything I have into them so I'll have 51 percent of these companies when the market bounces back. Then when the market's super high I'm going to short it all and double what I made. I'm also going to do bitcoin to make more. I learned a lot watching that TEDx talk with Tai Lopez. The more you learn the more you earn."

Hodges stopped dispensing his financial wisdom to read investment advice on Reddit and to deal with "another goddamn overdraft fee."

Also in the barracks is Lance Cpl. Brett Jacobson, who claims everyone should buy gold because civilization is collapsing and currency will be worthless. At press time, Hodges and Jacobson had agreed they were both going to get “so rich, bro.”

Share this post
Barracks stock market expert totally about to make a killing
www.duffelblog.com
Comments

Create your profile

0 subscriptions will be displayed on your profile (edit)

Skip for now

Only paid subscribers can comment on this post

Already a paid subscriber? Sign in

Check your email

For your security, we need to re-authenticate you.

Click the link we sent to , or click here to sign in.

TopNewCommunity

No posts

Ready for more?

© 2022 Duffel Blog LLC
Privacy ∙ Terms ∙ Collection notice
Publish on Substack Get the app
Substack is the home for great writing