FORT JACKSON, S.C. – Bitcoin futures today suffered from heightened volatility due to rumors of a possible two-day extension of MRE rations, soldiers on a field exercise reported.

“I thought that trading my jalapeño cheese for .00000387 Bitcoin was a good choice three days ago,” said Pfc. Josh Warner. “But now that there are rumors that we’ll have MREs instead of mermites tomorrow and the end of FIELDEX BBQ is cancelled because of a DUI from another unit, I’m realizing that the value of that MRE cheese would have tripled if I held onto it until tomorrow.”

The meteoric rise of cryptocurrencies has been difficult to study, many economists say, because of the volatile nature of Bitcoin and periodic illiquidity, especially when held in contrast to jalapeno cheese.